Post by kannon on Jun 10, 2005 9:43:08 GMT -5
“This is stupid!” I said, rolling my eyes.
“No its not!” cried Winston, “haven’t you ever wanted to know who he really was.”
“No.”
“No? How can you say that?,” exclaimed Winston, “why not?”
“Because its a myth, that’s why! I said trying not to keep the exasperation out of my voice. It’s not even an urban legend, its a rural legend. This is beyond stupid, this is monumental stupidity. If there were such a thing as a stupidity monster this would be the paragon of stupidity monsters. There is no such person as Captain Quacklebush, nor has there ever been. It’s a stupid name made up to send people on a wild goose chases. It’s a gag name and not even a good one. The gag is right up there with the old ‘pull my finger’ joke. Its crazy.”
“Crazy!," said Winston, "who now rolled his own eyes in exasperation, who are you to talk about crazy? You’re the one who talks to dogs!”
“That’s different. You talk back.” I said calmly.
With a sly little smile, Winston said, “next time you talk to me with people around I will just act like I am a dumb old dog.”
“And just how will this be different than usual?” I said, poking a finger at Winston.
“Very funny. What’s it gonna take? Five minutes out of your day? It will be fun! Come on!”
If there is one thing I can’t resist its a pleading dog with big puppy dog eyes. Winston had that look down to a “T”…he used it to get free steak handouts all over Olympus.
“Oh alright…” I shouted…and we both disappeared in a large column of flames and reappeared just outside a tavern in Buc’s den.
“He’s right in there,” Winston said, with excitement in his voice, “Oh…and by the way…can you switch to smoke instead of fire? That last time you singed my fur!”
With that we both walked inside, and turning the corner, there sitting at a table was a grizzled old sailor, downing yet another ale. As we crossed the room it was hard to tell whether the smell came from the dozen or so empty glasses that already filled the table or from the man himself. Two chairs sat across the table from the sailor. Winston trotted over to one of them and hopped into the chair.
“This is Lucky Pete!” said Winston cheerfully.
“Aye,” said Pete, “So called for the time that a bomb went off in my hat and failed to kill me.”
“Yes..” interrupted Winston, “…and that’s why he drinks so much to get rid of the headaches! Can you imagine what kind of headaches a bomb going off in your hat must cause!”
Winston had either become the world’s best actor or most gullible dog…at this point I was not sure of which.
“Ok.” I said, “I’ll bite. Just who is Captain Quacklebush? There REALLY is a Captain Quacklebush?”
“Aye, said Pete, there be…and to say he be the bad sort is to be givin’ him the benefit of the doubt. Ya’ see Captain Q be the captain of the Titan’s Maul. It be a merchant ship sailin’ betwixt Yew and Trinsic. One November he be rounding the cape at the southern end of Brit when a storm blows up. The crew pleads with the good Cap’n to put in to port in Jehlom. But the Cap’n ya see…he has a huge share of sale of the cargo if he be to Trinsic on time. So he refuses to put in to port and drives the crew head on into the storm. The storm, she blows harder and harder…but the Capt’n Q keeps drivin’ his crew head on into the storm….eventually they not be makin’ any head way at all!”
“Tell him what the Captain said!” Winston said with excitement!
At this point I had decided that Winston was the world’s most gullible dog. All the same I thought to myself, ‘in for a penny, in for a pound.’ Almost sorry that I asked, I looked that the old sailor. Sighed…and said… “Go on. Tell us what happened.”
“Well the Cap’n ya see he be determined to make it to Trinsic on time. He walks to the very prow of the ship; shakes his fist at the storm and say, ‘I’ll say to doomsday but I WILL sail around the cape and get to Trinisic on time!’ And with those very words, the Cap’n sealed his fate and that of his whole crew…for just at that very moment, the storm drove them onto a shoal and the ship sank with all hands aboard.”
“A lovely story.” I said, as patronizingly as I could possibly manage. I looked at Winston and said, “NOW can we go home?”
“No, they be more to it than that!” growled the old sailor.
“Tell him! Tell him!” said Winston, who had somehow acquired the same pirate had he came home wearing the day before and now had it on his head…staring straight at old Pete.
“Well, continued Pete with a huff, Ya’ see as part of the curse, the Captain is forced to sail forever around Britain. Once a year, this ship…this ghost ship now…crewed by the d**ned and a man so evil, that hell itself be jealous and kept him out….He can only put into port in Jehlom once per year. If he can ever find someone to replace him on the ship, whether by hook or by crook, the curse be lifted. And…this be the important part…tomorrow be that day when he be allowed to put in to port for just two days.”
“Can we go? Can we go? Can we? Can we?” said Winston jumping up with his front two legs on the table.
“Oh, alright…if it will stop you from complaining there’s never anything to do”
“Yipee!” Winston yelled, and tore out the front door. I looked out the open window and watched as Winston ran off into the distance towards Buc's Den docks. As Winston's pirate had disappeared into the distance, I saw him carrying a bag around his neck that I somehow hadn't noticed before. A feint sound came drifting toward me into the open window....it was a voice...'drink up me hearties yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me"....it was the voice of a drunken snipe...
The Quest: Tomorrow starts the two days per year that Captain Quacklebush and his crew of the d**ned are allowed to put to port in Jehlom. The quest is to stop the captain and his crew who are determined to take a prisoner from Jehlom to break the curse. The reward for ridding Jehlom of the Captain will be on the Captain himself; so whoever kills the captain, wins the quest.
“No its not!” cried Winston, “haven’t you ever wanted to know who he really was.”
“No.”
“No? How can you say that?,” exclaimed Winston, “why not?”
“Because its a myth, that’s why! I said trying not to keep the exasperation out of my voice. It’s not even an urban legend, its a rural legend. This is beyond stupid, this is monumental stupidity. If there were such a thing as a stupidity monster this would be the paragon of stupidity monsters. There is no such person as Captain Quacklebush, nor has there ever been. It’s a stupid name made up to send people on a wild goose chases. It’s a gag name and not even a good one. The gag is right up there with the old ‘pull my finger’ joke. Its crazy.”
“Crazy!," said Winston, "who now rolled his own eyes in exasperation, who are you to talk about crazy? You’re the one who talks to dogs!”
“That’s different. You talk back.” I said calmly.
With a sly little smile, Winston said, “next time you talk to me with people around I will just act like I am a dumb old dog.”
“And just how will this be different than usual?” I said, poking a finger at Winston.
“Very funny. What’s it gonna take? Five minutes out of your day? It will be fun! Come on!”
If there is one thing I can’t resist its a pleading dog with big puppy dog eyes. Winston had that look down to a “T”…he used it to get free steak handouts all over Olympus.
“Oh alright…” I shouted…and we both disappeared in a large column of flames and reappeared just outside a tavern in Buc’s den.
“He’s right in there,” Winston said, with excitement in his voice, “Oh…and by the way…can you switch to smoke instead of fire? That last time you singed my fur!”
With that we both walked inside, and turning the corner, there sitting at a table was a grizzled old sailor, downing yet another ale. As we crossed the room it was hard to tell whether the smell came from the dozen or so empty glasses that already filled the table or from the man himself. Two chairs sat across the table from the sailor. Winston trotted over to one of them and hopped into the chair.
“This is Lucky Pete!” said Winston cheerfully.
“Aye,” said Pete, “So called for the time that a bomb went off in my hat and failed to kill me.”
“Yes..” interrupted Winston, “…and that’s why he drinks so much to get rid of the headaches! Can you imagine what kind of headaches a bomb going off in your hat must cause!”
Winston had either become the world’s best actor or most gullible dog…at this point I was not sure of which.
“Ok.” I said, “I’ll bite. Just who is Captain Quacklebush? There REALLY is a Captain Quacklebush?”
“Aye, said Pete, there be…and to say he be the bad sort is to be givin’ him the benefit of the doubt. Ya’ see Captain Q be the captain of the Titan’s Maul. It be a merchant ship sailin’ betwixt Yew and Trinsic. One November he be rounding the cape at the southern end of Brit when a storm blows up. The crew pleads with the good Cap’n to put in to port in Jehlom. But the Cap’n ya see…he has a huge share of sale of the cargo if he be to Trinsic on time. So he refuses to put in to port and drives the crew head on into the storm. The storm, she blows harder and harder…but the Capt’n Q keeps drivin’ his crew head on into the storm….eventually they not be makin’ any head way at all!”
“Tell him what the Captain said!” Winston said with excitement!
At this point I had decided that Winston was the world’s most gullible dog. All the same I thought to myself, ‘in for a penny, in for a pound.’ Almost sorry that I asked, I looked that the old sailor. Sighed…and said… “Go on. Tell us what happened.”
“Well the Cap’n ya see he be determined to make it to Trinsic on time. He walks to the very prow of the ship; shakes his fist at the storm and say, ‘I’ll say to doomsday but I WILL sail around the cape and get to Trinisic on time!’ And with those very words, the Cap’n sealed his fate and that of his whole crew…for just at that very moment, the storm drove them onto a shoal and the ship sank with all hands aboard.”
“A lovely story.” I said, as patronizingly as I could possibly manage. I looked at Winston and said, “NOW can we go home?”
“No, they be more to it than that!” growled the old sailor.
“Tell him! Tell him!” said Winston, who had somehow acquired the same pirate had he came home wearing the day before and now had it on his head…staring straight at old Pete.
“Well, continued Pete with a huff, Ya’ see as part of the curse, the Captain is forced to sail forever around Britain. Once a year, this ship…this ghost ship now…crewed by the d**ned and a man so evil, that hell itself be jealous and kept him out….He can only put into port in Jehlom once per year. If he can ever find someone to replace him on the ship, whether by hook or by crook, the curse be lifted. And…this be the important part…tomorrow be that day when he be allowed to put in to port for just two days.”
“Can we go? Can we go? Can we? Can we?” said Winston jumping up with his front two legs on the table.
“Oh, alright…if it will stop you from complaining there’s never anything to do”
“Yipee!” Winston yelled, and tore out the front door. I looked out the open window and watched as Winston ran off into the distance towards Buc's Den docks. As Winston's pirate had disappeared into the distance, I saw him carrying a bag around his neck that I somehow hadn't noticed before. A feint sound came drifting toward me into the open window....it was a voice...'drink up me hearties yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me"....it was the voice of a drunken snipe...
The Quest: Tomorrow starts the two days per year that Captain Quacklebush and his crew of the d**ned are allowed to put to port in Jehlom. The quest is to stop the captain and his crew who are determined to take a prisoner from Jehlom to break the curse. The reward for ridding Jehlom of the Captain will be on the Captain himself; so whoever kills the captain, wins the quest.