Post by kannon on Jun 13, 2005 12:20:32 GMT -5
I awoke to screams…actually what sounded like the screams of a dozen dieing cats simultaneously dragging their claws across a blackboard. I leaped to my feet, a task altogether easy to accomplish as the surprise of the pleasant awakening I had received had already knocked me out of the bed and on to the floor. I stood there for a moment trying to determine the direction of the noise. No sooner had I started listening for the noise than it stopped….a minute or so passed….nothing. No sooner had I set one foot in the bed then the caterwauling began again, this time louder…and the direction all too obvious…
Stepping into a study I saw Winston and his pet snipe Sarah hunched over a crystal ball. The pirate hats both had so recently sported had been had been replaced by small headscarves. In fact the snipe was also wearing long skirt and fluffy peasant blouse, out of which stuck her small blue head, all the too obvious too small for the blouse. Each sat quietly for a moment than the screaming began all over again….Sarah being the main cause…
“What in heavens name is going on!” I yelled.
“Shh…shh…” said Winston, holding a paw up to his muzzle….
At that point, it was a toss up which I minded more…being “shushed” by my own dog or the screeching of the snipe which now began all over again as the two began dancing around the room.
“Now do you want to tell me what is going on?”
“Sure, said Winston brightly, we were just watching the latest bag ball match from the Luna arena! Urktown Orcs vs. The Vesper Vipers. We were rooting for the orcs because they are the underdogs…well…the under orcs actually…they always seem to lose in any case. If for no other reason, perhaps than members of their team keep eating the ball and forfeiting games.”
“Yes, well that explains the screeching but what is with the bandanas? What happened to the pirate hats? I asked.”
“Oh that’s…” Winston started.
“Don’t say it…” I interrupted.
“Old hat…”
“So gypsies is the new thing is it? Why gypsies?” I asked, almost sorry that I had done so.
“Oh, that’s easy, came the perky answer from Winston, We went to Urktown for the celebration of their latest victory…you see they win so rarely that when they do win…well…it is quite an affair. Well…while we were their, Sarah runs into this old gypsy….quite literally…smacked right into her. Just as the gypsy is about to curse Sarah…not with the evil eye sort of thing…you know….bad words sort of thing…Well Sarah jumps up and asks her for her help…sort of a distraction sort of thing…well she didn’t actually ask the gypsy…she asked me to ask but not because she is shy but because so few people speak snipe that she just assumes that no one but me does…”
“…and?” I asked, after a short pause.
“…and what?” asked Winston.
“…and what happened?”
“Oh…continued Winston…well Sarah sees this as a chance to make a lot of money.”
“Wait a minute…is this on the level? I asked. What would a snipe do with money?”
“Snipe suits”
“Oh…go on…” I said.
“So…Winston huffs, and then continues…Sarah asks, well actually she asks me and I ask the gypsy…who is going to win the next bagball game. She figures maybe the Urktown Orcs can pull it off again. The gypsy takes us back to her little hut on the edge of Urktown…by the way have you noticed that gypsies always seem to live in little huts or wagons? Why do you think that is? Is it because we expect them to? Hey…I know…maybe its some kind of code…or maybe…”
With a sigh I roll my eyes, and interrupt the monologue yet again, “Will you PLEASE just get on with the story?”
“Oh ya’…the story…says Winston…well its not really a story it’s the truth…well it is a story in the sense that I am telling you a ‘story’ but I am not really telling you a ‘story’ as in telling you a lie if you know what I mean…”
“GET ON WITH IT!” I yell.
“Sheesh, said Winston, you really are the touchy type. Calm down will you. Okay…and don’t roll your eyes at me like that….anyway…the story…yes…so this gypsy agrees to tell Sarah who is going to win the next game the Urktown Orcs play but she says we have to do something for her first. So the agreement is made, we just won a lot of money, and we owe the gypsy a favor.”
“What do you mean ‘WE’?” I asked Winston.
“Well you are right, says Winston matter of factly, “it isn’t really ‘WE’ its you. We told the gypsy you would do it…well…not really YOU per say but that you would take care of it…well not take care of it yourself but get someone to…or maybe…”
“I GET IT!” I yell, then continue quietly “….just what is it that you have committed me to this time.”
“Well, Winston says, all too pleased with himself, funny you should put it quite that way, when I told Hera about this she told me I should be committed…but I think she had more in mind for my staying a dog instead of a human…”
“You bothered Hera with this nonsense?” I said, putting as much exasperation into my voice as I could manage?
“Sure, came the reply as if the answer were all too obvious, why wouldn’t I? Besides what is so crazy about a werewolf? After all I am a were…”
“Werewolf!” I stopped Winston cold.
“Where?” said Winston looking around.
“No, not where wolf, werewolf!”
“Oh, says Winston…points to a map in a book and says, “there wolf.”
“There wolf?”
“Well, no…there were wolf. I mean…”says Winston as he is about to explain.
“Stop, stop…please just stop…I interrupt yet another of Winston’s meandering monologues. I think I have it. Sarah the snipe, convinces this Urktown gypsy, who, for some reason or other chooses to live among orcs…”
Just then I am interrupted by a screech from Sarah that sounds somewhat is if she were swallowing a dieing cat.
“What was that?” I asked a bit taken aback.
“Oh…Sarah says, that’s because she IS an orc. What makes you think that orcs can’t be gypsies?”
“Oh…I said, pausing…I guess that would explain the whole gypsy hut on the edge of orc town thing.”
Again, another screech from the snipe.
Without waiting Winston offers, “ya’…that’s what Sarah thought too…so…”
“So…I interrupt….so…in return for the information you said we would get rid of the werewolf that has been bothering the orcs.”
“Yup…says Winston brightly…that’s the start of it.”
“The start of it?”
“Yup” says Winston, pawing over a bit of parchment…I say pawing because…well Winston doesn’t have hands and well…you get the idea…I look at the parchment written in an archaic language.
I read the parchment out loud, “In the name of God, open this door!”
I turn back to Winston and ask, “And what is this all about?”
“Well, says Winston, the gypsy said it had something to do with her friend Lursa. Lursa gave her this little bit of parchment which she had from her father, and her father had from his father, and his father from…well you get the idea…its old…”
“Yes…Yes…go on…” I say rolling my eyes again.
“Well…says Winston, continuing…the gypsy says she thinks it has something with the fact that Lursa spends all her spare time staring at the wall. Not that its odd for orcs to stare at walls, especially as they seem to be so single minded, but…well she keeps staring at this old, ruined painting and says that it has something to do with the parchment.”
A long pause. I look at Winston. Winston looks at me. The snipe looks at us both.
“…and…” I finally say, breaking the silence.
“…and what?” says Winston matter-of-factly.
“…and what else…”
“…and nothing else…the rest is your problem.”
“It’s my problem because, as usual, you made it my problem!” I said.
The quest: Rid Urktown of the werewolf and find out what the bit of parchment is all about. This quest will begin when I am darn good and ready for it to begin.
Stepping into a study I saw Winston and his pet snipe Sarah hunched over a crystal ball. The pirate hats both had so recently sported had been had been replaced by small headscarves. In fact the snipe was also wearing long skirt and fluffy peasant blouse, out of which stuck her small blue head, all the too obvious too small for the blouse. Each sat quietly for a moment than the screaming began all over again….Sarah being the main cause…
“What in heavens name is going on!” I yelled.
“Shh…shh…” said Winston, holding a paw up to his muzzle….
At that point, it was a toss up which I minded more…being “shushed” by my own dog or the screeching of the snipe which now began all over again as the two began dancing around the room.
“Now do you want to tell me what is going on?”
“Sure, said Winston brightly, we were just watching the latest bag ball match from the Luna arena! Urktown Orcs vs. The Vesper Vipers. We were rooting for the orcs because they are the underdogs…well…the under orcs actually…they always seem to lose in any case. If for no other reason, perhaps than members of their team keep eating the ball and forfeiting games.”
“Yes, well that explains the screeching but what is with the bandanas? What happened to the pirate hats? I asked.”
“Oh that’s…” Winston started.
“Don’t say it…” I interrupted.
“Old hat…”
“So gypsies is the new thing is it? Why gypsies?” I asked, almost sorry that I had done so.
“Oh, that’s easy, came the perky answer from Winston, We went to Urktown for the celebration of their latest victory…you see they win so rarely that when they do win…well…it is quite an affair. Well…while we were their, Sarah runs into this old gypsy….quite literally…smacked right into her. Just as the gypsy is about to curse Sarah…not with the evil eye sort of thing…you know….bad words sort of thing…Well Sarah jumps up and asks her for her help…sort of a distraction sort of thing…well she didn’t actually ask the gypsy…she asked me to ask but not because she is shy but because so few people speak snipe that she just assumes that no one but me does…”
“…and?” I asked, after a short pause.
“…and what?” asked Winston.
“…and what happened?”
“Oh…continued Winston…well Sarah sees this as a chance to make a lot of money.”
“Wait a minute…is this on the level? I asked. What would a snipe do with money?”
“Snipe suits”
“Oh…go on…” I said.
“So…Winston huffs, and then continues…Sarah asks, well actually she asks me and I ask the gypsy…who is going to win the next bagball game. She figures maybe the Urktown Orcs can pull it off again. The gypsy takes us back to her little hut on the edge of Urktown…by the way have you noticed that gypsies always seem to live in little huts or wagons? Why do you think that is? Is it because we expect them to? Hey…I know…maybe its some kind of code…or maybe…”
With a sigh I roll my eyes, and interrupt the monologue yet again, “Will you PLEASE just get on with the story?”
“Oh ya’…the story…says Winston…well its not really a story it’s the truth…well it is a story in the sense that I am telling you a ‘story’ but I am not really telling you a ‘story’ as in telling you a lie if you know what I mean…”
“GET ON WITH IT!” I yell.
“Sheesh, said Winston, you really are the touchy type. Calm down will you. Okay…and don’t roll your eyes at me like that….anyway…the story…yes…so this gypsy agrees to tell Sarah who is going to win the next game the Urktown Orcs play but she says we have to do something for her first. So the agreement is made, we just won a lot of money, and we owe the gypsy a favor.”
“What do you mean ‘WE’?” I asked Winston.
“Well you are right, says Winston matter of factly, “it isn’t really ‘WE’ its you. We told the gypsy you would do it…well…not really YOU per say but that you would take care of it…well not take care of it yourself but get someone to…or maybe…”
“I GET IT!” I yell, then continue quietly “….just what is it that you have committed me to this time.”
“Well, Winston says, all too pleased with himself, funny you should put it quite that way, when I told Hera about this she told me I should be committed…but I think she had more in mind for my staying a dog instead of a human…”
“You bothered Hera with this nonsense?” I said, putting as much exasperation into my voice as I could manage?
“Sure, came the reply as if the answer were all too obvious, why wouldn’t I? Besides what is so crazy about a werewolf? After all I am a were…”
“Werewolf!” I stopped Winston cold.
“Where?” said Winston looking around.
“No, not where wolf, werewolf!”
“Oh, says Winston…points to a map in a book and says, “there wolf.”
“There wolf?”
“Well, no…there were wolf. I mean…”says Winston as he is about to explain.
“Stop, stop…please just stop…I interrupt yet another of Winston’s meandering monologues. I think I have it. Sarah the snipe, convinces this Urktown gypsy, who, for some reason or other chooses to live among orcs…”
Just then I am interrupted by a screech from Sarah that sounds somewhat is if she were swallowing a dieing cat.
“What was that?” I asked a bit taken aback.
“Oh…Sarah says, that’s because she IS an orc. What makes you think that orcs can’t be gypsies?”
“Oh…I said, pausing…I guess that would explain the whole gypsy hut on the edge of orc town thing.”
Again, another screech from the snipe.
Without waiting Winston offers, “ya’…that’s what Sarah thought too…so…”
“So…I interrupt….so…in return for the information you said we would get rid of the werewolf that has been bothering the orcs.”
“Yup…says Winston brightly…that’s the start of it.”
“The start of it?”
“Yup” says Winston, pawing over a bit of parchment…I say pawing because…well Winston doesn’t have hands and well…you get the idea…I look at the parchment written in an archaic language.
I read the parchment out loud, “In the name of God, open this door!”
I turn back to Winston and ask, “And what is this all about?”
“Well, says Winston, the gypsy said it had something to do with her friend Lursa. Lursa gave her this little bit of parchment which she had from her father, and her father had from his father, and his father from…well you get the idea…its old…”
“Yes…Yes…go on…” I say rolling my eyes again.
“Well…says Winston, continuing…the gypsy says she thinks it has something with the fact that Lursa spends all her spare time staring at the wall. Not that its odd for orcs to stare at walls, especially as they seem to be so single minded, but…well she keeps staring at this old, ruined painting and says that it has something to do with the parchment.”
A long pause. I look at Winston. Winston looks at me. The snipe looks at us both.
“…and…” I finally say, breaking the silence.
“…and what?” says Winston matter-of-factly.
“…and what else…”
“…and nothing else…the rest is your problem.”
“It’s my problem because, as usual, you made it my problem!” I said.
The quest: Rid Urktown of the werewolf and find out what the bit of parchment is all about. This quest will begin when I am darn good and ready for it to begin.